Like everybody else, I need wholesome distractions from the fascinating, disgusting, outrageous, wanton nonstop train wreck that is Donald Trump.  Cooking is one of them.  Others include mystery novels and going to my day job.  Also, like Hillary Clinton, I spend a lot of time watching cats (in my case, I have one in the house who does very well).  This week in cooking:

The Internet

• Sunken Apple and Honey Cake (Smitten Kitchen).  When I find a really simple, delicious, visually-amazing dessert that comes out perfectly, I immediately begin to fantasize about making it for company.  Deb Perelman's Sunken Apple and Honey Cake is company cake.  (Or, it could be company breakfast cake, served with brunch.)  The crumb is somehow dense and light at the same time, while the apples and honey syrup give it a beautiful moistness.  I found some tiny Lady apples at the Whole Foods, and these were ideal to quarter (the apples were too small to core whole and then halve, as per the recipe instructions) and slice thin into the decorative apple fans you see in the photos.  They also had great flavor.  We ate two slices of cake each upon its debut, leaving only a quarter of the cake for lunchboxes the next day.  It was so, so good.  If you want to dress it up for company, I bet a bit of whipped cream wouldn't go amiss.

​Bon Appetit

• Classic Potato Gratin (Nov. 2015).  This was a time-consuming recipe-- between making the garlicky sauce, slicing 4 lbs. of potatoes very thinly, and a long baking time-- that was not really worth the result.  (I did not use a mandolin to slice the potatoes, as history suggests I will merely slice the end of my finger off and any time "saved" will be squandered in bandaging.)  The flavor of the potatoes was good-- garlic, butter, thyme, cream, cheese!-- but, even with a longer browning time than called for, they were only barely crispy on top, and quite mushy on the inside.  I could make creamy garlic potatoes a lot more easily by, say, mashing them.  If you do make this recipe, I would recommend removing the foil from the pan earlier in the baking process, in order to let the potatoes dry out and crisp better.  We ate them with brussels sprouts and salmon filet (my kid) or sausages (my husband) or both (me).

​Madhur Jaffrey:

• Fried Okra with Fresh Curry or Basil Leaves, served on the side with slices of parmesan-covered toast, pears and raspberries.  A strange recipe: the okra (I bought fresh this time) was sliced very thin, fried without breading in a lot of oil along with basil leaves, and then blotted, spiced and salted.  It did not become crunchy, although it seemed to me that would have been the only point of such a procedure.  Instead, the okra darkened, shrunk to a tiny wizened size, and tasted salty/spicy.  Once it had shrunk, there was not a lot of it left, rather like cooking a bunch of spinach.  It was not bad, neither was it good.  As a treatment of okra, it left me somewhat mystified.
• Okra with Tomatoes, served over toast with scrambled eggs on top (my kid had cooked mustard and turnip greens in place of okra).  This was basically cooked okra with some tomatoes, garlic and spices added.  A good shot of lime juice gave it a pleasant bite as well.  While not earth-shattering, this was a more logical way to serve okra than the above method.  I would skip the eggs and toast next time and simply serve it as a regular vegetable side dish.

​Mridula Baljekar:

• Chicken Saag, served with packaged naan and topped with plain yogurt and chili powder.  A mixed review for the Chicken Saag.  It tasted wonderful and my husband loved it.  But, as may be seen from the photos, my sauce ended up as thin as a soup, not the thick spinachy paste pictured in the cookbook or familiar from Indian restaurants.  Now, in retrospect, this is not surprising, since 8 oz. of spinach, 4 tomatoes, and 1 cup of water (plus seasonings and chicken), cooked with the cover on as directed for about 30 minutes, are unlikely to produce a thick sauce.  Why all that water?  Is that an error?  But we ate it anyway, enthusiastically, with spoons to consume all the tasty broth and naan for dipping.  The leftovers were even better the next day.  Even now that all the chicken is gone, I still have about 2 cups of leftover sauce in the refrigerator.  I guess we'll just have it as a soup.

In the first half of August, kid and I went on a road trip through parts of the country where we have never before traveled.  We drove from the Washington, D.C. suburbs, where we live, down through Virginia, Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi, in order to visit friends in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  Then we drove on into east Texas to see my former foster son, now grown, and his girlfriend at their home in Santa Fe, near Galveston.  On the way back, we returned through Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia.

It was, in some ways, a different world: not only more desperately hot and humid than I'd imagined, but full of American flag clothing, churches in obscure denominations, shiny white trucks, billboards advertising Jesus, and... surprisingly few Trump signs.  That last made me wonder.  My kid was at times uncomfortable, nervous that they would be singled out for disapproval or, worse, confrontation, on the basis of their purple hair and unconventional gender presentation.  Nothing like that ever happened, though. 

The food was different, too.

Things we ate included: at least 3 meals at a Waffle House.  McDonald's ice cream cones.  Burger King milkshakes.  Fried crawfish po-boys.  Lots of french fries.  Fried catfish.  Steamed shrimp and crab.  Seafood boudin balls.  Something that I ignorantly referred to as "gumbo" but which was actually called "sausage, okra, and shrimp."  Crawfish etouffee.  An amazing caprese salad at a fancy cheese shop in New Orleans, with real bufala mozzarella.  Beignets and cafe au lait at the Cafe du Monde.  Actual gumbo.  A sort of crawfish etouffee- Eggs Benedict.  Pulled pork and more fried seafood, potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans at a barbecue joint in Texas.  Caramel apples covered in additional things like chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.  Fried shrimp po-boys.  More french fries.  Subway sandwiches (twice) and chips.  Chicken, fried fish, corn fritters, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes from a supermarket deli in Louisiana (eaten in the car with the air conditioning running).  Pineapple soda, Cokes.  Several beers. (On this trip my child learned to like both unsweetened coffee and Coke.  They were also offered beer at least three times-- they declined-- and made their peace with stopping regularly at McDonald's.)  A number of biscuits.  Gross bagels from a motel, sausage and egg sandwich from a motel, Holiday Inn omelets.  Hot chili and lime Takis.   A very nice sushi dinner on a balcony overlooking a river in South Carolina.  Endless cups of bad coffee, an occasional apple or handful of baby carrots or cheese stick or packet of almonds purchased in desperation for something wholesome.

​My kid said they really liked the food in the South, particularly in Louisiana.  I myself feel that I could now go without more fried seafood for at least six months.  And, honestly, I don't really enjoy the plain steamed stuff much.  We never go for crabs here in Maryland.  Maybe I was spoiled by New England lobster and now can't appreciate anything else.  And, while I love french fries, I had enough to satisfy me for a long, long time.  (I could eat more biscuits, though.  I could always eat more biscuits.)

Reading back through the list of things we ate-- now almost two months later-- it sounds sort of decadent and amazing.  At the time, it was just cloying, overwhelming, like swimming in a vat of fry oil.

Dinner tonight was to be two recipes: Deb Perelman's Egg, Potato & Chorizo Tacos with Queso Fresco, and Madhur Jaffrey's Stir-Fried "Foreign Vegetable," i.e. Watercress.  First task was to start the potatoes cooking while I prepped most of the other ingredients (a minor affair).  Then the potatoes were fried with chorizo and onion while I washed up the day's dishes and set queso fresco, chopped raw onion and hot sauce on the table.  In the last 5 minutes, I scrambled the eggs into the potato mixture, quickly stir-fried the watercress, and heated 8 corn tortillas, one by one, on a hot frying pan.  Serve.  Easy-peasy.  The tacos were amazing, the watercress less so.  It looked so wilted in the pan!-- but I found the stems were still tough while eating.  There was way too much salt and sesame oil for the amount of watercress I ended up with, too.  On the other hand, I ate two tacos, holding myself back from a third that I greatly desired, and then continued to think of them all evening in a rather obsessive fashion.  For a simple meal, the tacos really seized my imagination.  Make them, they are easy and worth it.  As for the watercress, you might do just as well feeding it to your cat.

​June 27
An early, before-work breakfast: water with lime, coffee with half and half, smoothie made from vanilla almond coconut milk, honey yogurt, peanut butter, hemp protein powder, peach, strawberries, blueberries, frozen mango, and kale.  This one is not sweet at all, whereas yesterday's was almost cloying.  The main difference seems to be the banana.  Maybe I should start going with half a banana?

At work, all I have is a cup of decaf coffee, black.

When I get home about 2:30, I have a wonderfully wholesome lunch.  Leftover leek soup garnished with some creme fraiche, snipped tarragon and chives; a bowl of mixed raspberries, blueberries, and cherries; and some raw carrots and peppers.  I feel so virtuous.  I also have a cup of regular black coffee, and afterwards another cup of decaf with half and half. 

Shopping (Co-op): can of coconut milk, organic 1% lactose-free milk, half & half, organic lemon juice, quart of plain yogurt, cat treats, unsweetened almond milk, raw goat cheddar, seitan, 2 cans of pinto beans, a cantaloupe, 2 packages small corn tortillas, dried currants, coffee, 4 ears corn, 6 individual Brown Cow yogurts (assorted flavors), strawberries, cilantro, 4 limes, bananas, 4 avocados.  $91.

Dinner is slightly less virtuous, but still fruit-and-vegetable-centric, which is the way I like best to cook.  I roast some mixed root vegetables (the rest of the CSA beets, two farmer's market potatoes, an onion, some farmer's market carrots) with fresh marjoram; also make an apple-and-fennel salad with a lemon-mustard dressing.  My kid has long hated fennel, but recently expressed a desire to try it again.  So I bought fennel at the farmer's market (as well as the Gold Rush apples).  It turns out that, while they still do not love fennel, they no longer hate it.  They eat some; in particular, they seem to find the bulb more edible than the fronds, which of course it is.  So, a pretty good foray.  As an "entree," I just melt some goat cheddar onto slices of whole wheat bread, also from the farmer's market.

​I think I am mighty lucky to have a child who volunteers, of their own free will, to experiment with foods they dislike.  Next thing you know, they'll be eating cucumber.
 
June 28
Breakfast: lemon water, black coffee, smoothie made from vanilla almond coconut milk, honey yogurt, hemp protein powder, canned coconut milk, banana, cantaloupe, and swiss chard.  I totally forgot about my half-a-banana plan that I made yesterday.  Afterwards, I had some decaf with half & half.

At noontime, after my kid and I take a test-run with our new backpacks, another cup of regular coffee with half and half, followed by lunch.  Lunch is a bowl of mixed strawberries, blueberries, cherries, and cantaloupe; some raw carrot and pepper; and half a peanut butter-and-blueberry jam sandwich on whole wheat farmer's market bread.  Actually, the blueberries, cherries, carrot and pepper are from the farmer's market too.  I am eating like a queen.

​After lunch, I do some housecleaning, and don't go out until late afternoon to make a quick trip to REI.  I don't have the chance to have my usual mid-afternoon cup of decaf, and for that reason, or some other reason, I become ravenous while I am out.  There isn't an opportunity for food and drink until about 6 pm, when I stop at a bakery near home to buy the decaf coffee.  Of course, I feel I need some sort of snack, and end up buying a mushroom & cheese turnover.  In retrospect, I can see how a series of poor decisions led to my basically buying dinner an hour before cooking a second dinner at home.  The turnover isn't even very good, but I eat it because I paid for it.

Second dinner at home is vegan, because my kid's girlfriend is staying for supper.  I've had tacos on the brain ever since we had the worst tacos ever in small-town Virginia.  Tonight I put out some local corn tortillas that are not really very good (made in Virginia!  Coincidence?), pinto beans, sauteed seitan (both this and the beans flavored with chili and lime), avocado, tomato, shredded cabbage, onion, cilantro, corn sliced off the cob, green salsa, and bottled hot sauce.  Tacos are always fun, but they are more fun when your tortillas don't disintegrate into bits the minute you try and pick them up.  I have two tacos with kid and girlfriend, and then another one with my husband when he finally arrives home from work at about 9:45 pm.  Also a glass of sherry, which I do not quite finish.

At around 9:00, while waiting for my husband to get home, my kid and I drive through the rain to pick up our CSA box.  We run up the sidewalk to the house where it is delivered, getting soaked with huge drops of rain, and thunder crashing around us.  In the box: big green cabbage, 3 big white onions, 2 heads garlic, 4 cucumbers, 3 summer squash, carrots, leeks... and eggs!  Exciting!  Says farmer Mike about these eggs: "Eggs always start out mostly on the small side then increase in size as the hens gain experience." 
 
June 29
A work day.  Breakfast: water with lime, black coffee, smoothie made from almond milk, honey yogurt, peanut butter, hemp protein powder, banana, strawberries, cantaloupe, and swiss chard.

I didn't quite finish my coffee at home, so I have another cup of black coffee at work, followed by a cup of decaf with half and half.  By the time I finish that, it is almost time to go home (I don't have a lot of time to stand around and drink!)  At home, I have another cup of regular coffee with half and half, and lunch consisting of a leftover taco from last night, with all the fixings except beans, corn and cabbage (those are already gone); raw sliced cucumber and summer squash from the CSA; and a dish of mixed cantaloupe and cherries.  Oh, and one little hard-boiled egg, but the CSA eggs are too fresh: I can't peel it without taking most of the white away with the shell.

​After lunch, another cup of decaf with half and half.

About 4:30, I've recovered from work and go to Safeway to buy food for our hike, as well as supplies for my husband to use while we're gone.  Shopping: Pirate Booty (requested by kid), Wheaties, 2 cans cat food, 3 bags beef jerky, hot cocoa packets, big jug white vinegar, marshmallows, jar of Hershey's chocolate spread, graham crackers, Ritz crackers, Brookside dark chocolate clusters, 2 shrimp-flavored Cup-O-Noodles, 2 rolls paper towels, toilet paper, lactose-free milk, frozen pizza, Amy's frozen lasagna, free-range eggs, 2 cigarette lighters, mini hand sanitizer, rosemary bakery bread, Applegate bacon, nova salmon, bananas, Bing cherries, green grapes, shelled pistachios, Caesar Snapeas, 3 kinds of trail mix, organic baby carrots, strawberries, banana chips, dried apricots, dried broad beans, wasabi chick peas, 2 bags dried banana snacks.  $162.

Dinner is a quick affair, conducted in the midst of elaborately packing our gear for tomorrow.  2 little fried eggs each from the CSA farm, really good Applegate bacon, Safeway bakery rosemary sea salt toast with butter, a little mixed fruit (blueberries and apple from the farmer's market, plus strawberries).

I don't finish all my packing and prep-- plus quickly finishing this post-- until 11:30 at night, by which point I am hungry again, so I go to the kitchen and scarf down a leftover strip of bacon and half a glass of the fairly drinkable honey yogurt from the farmer's market.  That'll hold me.  However, even though it is already late, I have trouble sleeping.  I really wanted a good night's sleep before our hike, but instead I probably get a little over five hours, not nearly enough for me.  Midnight finds me in the kitchen again, yelling at my husband about waking me up by turning the light on and then drinking straight out of the milk carton, which I have forbidden him to do.  My finest moments occur at times like these.

​May 15-- oh, boy.  No restrictions.
Breakfast: lemon water, coffee with lowfat lactose-free milk (bleah.  I like black coffee better than coffee with lowfat milk), smoothie made from rice milk, hemp protein powder, plain Greek yogurt, canned coconut milk, juice of one orange, 2 dates, and spinach.  It was thin, sweeter than we've been accustomed to, and tasted like a creamsicle.

Lunch: Brunch at the Parkway Deli, our compromise arrived at after the argument yesterday.  They serve "normal breakfasts," but have a greater variety of options on the menu, including some fruits and vegetables.  (Nick's is pretty much a meat, eggs, homefries, and pancakes kind of place.  I think their vegetables are limited to potatoes, onions, peppers, and perhaps mushrooms.  They do have the best ham and perhaps I will relent and we can go there next time.)  Anyway, I ordered the normal-est breakfast of all: two fried eggs with choice of side and choice of toast.  My side was sliced tomatoes, and my toast was a bagel-and-cream-cheese, so basically I had a bagel with cream cheese and tomato (which I love), with a side of eggs.  That was exactly the right amount of food; it felt kind of indulgent without my having to stuff myself.  My husband, who-- as previously established-- did NOT want a big, greasy meal, had an omelet with Canadian bacon and cheese, some fruit, and his own bagel-and-cream-cheese.  A little greasier than mine, but not excessive.  Unfortunately, more than half his fruit consisted of grapefruit, which he does not like, so I ate that too.  It was some of the finest, sweetest grapefruit I have ever had.  Also, coffee, with half and half!

Dinner: For myself and kid, I made some frozen shrimp shumai that I have had in the freezer for months, waiting for me to be allowed to share them; white rice; and stir-fried broccoli and sweet peppers.  My husband does not eat shrimp, so I made him a pork chop instead of shumai.  Kid had some kind of allergic reaction to something in the dinner (presumably an ingredient in the shumai, which tasted pretty processed and not as good as those you normally get in a restaurant), and had to take some Benadryl.

I also tried to take some pictures of my cat while I was making dinner (she was pestering me about the raw vegetables as she so often does, and then doing her cat thing all over the dining table), but she is in such constant motion that every photo is a blur.  Here is a selection:

​Snacks: 1 cup decaf (black), 1 cup peppermint tea, 1 caramel-flavored Liberte yogurt before bed, because everybody was doing it.  Also, because dinner wasn't very filling.
 
May 16
Breakfast: water with lime, black coffee, small smoothie made from chocolate almond milk, hemp protein powder, maple almond butter, a kiwi that turned out to be underripe, 2 dates, and spinach.  This would have been good except for the after-taste of unripe kiwi that set my teeth on edge.  I also had a small serving of leftover pasta with vegetables from last week.

Lunch (after work, 2:30): white rice, 1 egg scrambled with Romano cheese, mini sweet peppers.

​Shopping (Co-op): plain Greek yogurt, can of organic mandarin oranges, 1% lactose-free organic milk, organic half-and-half, romaine hearts, RiceDream Horchata, organic prune juice, honey wheat bakery bread, 3 coconut-flavored Liberte yogurts, prepared California roll, prepared curried rice with tofu and vegetables, prepared vegetable spring rolls, prepared mixed sushi platter, organic frozen mangos, cherry tomatoes, organic blueberries, bananas.  $85.

Dinner (after I got home at 8:15 from my yoga class): we each had different prepared foods that I had bought at the Co-op.  I had vegetable spring rolls (the kind that are just raw vegetables wrapped in rice paper, with a sweet sauce for dipping), and 6 out of 10 pieces of my California roll.

Snacks: 2 cups decaf coffee (1 with half and half at work, 1 black at home), 1 cup regular coffee with half and half (at work); 1 tiny end-slice honey wheat bread with melted feta cheese and 1 regular slice honey wheat bread with melted swiss cheese as fortifying snacks before a 6:15 pm yoga class.  The last 4 pieces of my California roll before bed, because it turned out I was still hungry after all.
 
May 17
Breakfast: water with lime, coffee with half and half, a couple of swallows of the smoothie I made for husband and kid (it had an excessive number of ingredients today: chocolate almond milk, prune juice, plain Greek yogurt, hemp protein powder, avocado, blueberries, banana, spinach, and 1 date.  The prune juice tasted weird.  Kid seemed to like it); also, for my own breakfast, half a lingonberry-jam-and-maple-almond-butter sandwich on honey wheat bread, half a dozen cherry tomatoes, a banana and an avocado.

Lunch: maple almond butter sandwich on honey wheat bread, 2 dates.

​Dinner: lentils cooked with spinach, parsley and a tarka of garlic and spices, then mixed with quinoa; half an avocado on the side; salad of romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and a little bit of minced sweet pepper, with balsamic vinaigrette.  My kid had one of their friends over, a girl we like a lot but have not seen for a long time, and we had fun joking around as well as enjoying a few musical numbers.  Kid Rick-rolled us by playing "Never Gonna Give You Up" on the ukulele, and both kids performed a choreographed dance to Ukraine's 2007 Eurovision entry, Dancing Lasha Tumbai.  We spent a lot longer at the dinner table than usual.

Snacks: 3 other cups coffee, 1 regular, 2 decaf, with half and half.  I was worried about the additional calories represented by all this half-and-half, but now I see that coffee (or maybe the cream) suppresses my appetite enough to snack less, so it probably all evens out.
 
May 18
Breakfast: water with lime, coffee with half and half, smoothie made of (get ready for this) prune juice, RiceDream horchata, plain Greek yogurt, hemp protein powder, maple almond butter, canned mandarin oranges, frozen mango chunks, and fresh blueberries.  It tasted like liquid plum pudding and was bizarre.  I don't think my husband thought much of it.

Lunch: maple almond butter sandwich on honey wheat bread, blueberries. 

Shopping (Co-op-- a trip to make sure my family has plenty of food while I'm away in Massachusetts): 2 packages Amy's frozen black bean & veggie enchiladas, conditioner, Matthew's honey 12-grain bread, organic bulk peanuts, 4 Amy's frozen Indian wraps, 4 Sukhi's frozen Indian wraps, 6 individual Fage Greek yogurts, 6 individual Chobani Greek yogurts, Barbara's cheese puffs, Terra spiced sweet potato chips, Santa Cruz lemonade, 2 cans Wolfgang Puck chicken with wild rice soup, coffee, black forest ham, bag of mini sweet peppers, wild rice ricecakes, 2 bunches bananas, 3 rolls toilet paper, baby carrots, sugar snap peas, organic whole milk, grape tomatoes, olive oil, cage-free eggs, organic dried mulberries, 4 oranges.  $142.

Dinner: I got take-out from Kin Da to eat between yoga class and the Survivor finale (incidentally, OMG, the completely wrong person won.  Do not read if you are worried about spoilers).  Personally, I had the 3-mushroom soup, 2 little fried spring rolls (I'd intended to order the raw vegetables rolled in rice paper, but obviously selected the wrong menu item), and shared an order of basil and chicken fried rice with my husband.  The soup was not my favorite, definitely a sweet-and-sour flavor with only mild spiciness.  Too sweet.

Snacks: 3 cups coffee, 2 decaf, 1 regular, with half and half.  Small dish of cheese puffs before early evening yoga.  Fage honey yogurt at 10 pm, while watching Survivor finale.

Dear reader, I have failed you.  If there is any point at all to so navel-gazing a project, it is at least accuracy and thoroughness.  And yet this is a post about the times in life when things fall apart for no good reason.  Nobody died.  I didn't lose my job or my relationship or my mind.  And yet, for a solid 3 weeks (and I honestly thought it was more) I've been crawling along at the bare minimum of functionality, and the food diary, though not the first thing to go, ended up a casualty.  It's not a matter of being behind in arranging my notes and adding photos.  There are no notes, and (virtually) no photos.  I just stopped.
​
What happened, more or less, was this:

I continued to be sick and we did not drive to Massachusetts on Tuesday Mar. 29 as I had hoped.  The whole trip was canceled, a disappointment to everybody.  It was, however, the correct decision.  On Wednesday I went to the urgent care and was immediately diagnosed with strep throat.  I believe it was overnight Wednesday that I was awakened by my kid at 2 am.  They were freaking out.  They had had a sudden vomiting episode in the bathroom, made a mess, attempted to clean it up and made things worse.  And they were dizzy and half-asleep.  I, too, was dizzy and half-asleep, but after a few moments was able to mostly clean up and then go sit with the kid.  Thus began my dear kid's encounter with the same apparent stomach bug that my husband had had on Sunday.

It was strange: I had strep and they seemed to have some kind of GI thing, but none of us ended up catching what the others had.  I never started vomiting (to my great surprise and delight) and nobody else had much of a sore throat.  It didn't really make sense.  Can strep cause only vomiting and fever, with no throat or respiratory symptoms to speak of?  Internet research suggested this was unlikely, especially to occur in two people in a single household.

While we were home sick together all week long, my kid and I spent some quality time with each other.  We played Magic.  We watched TV.  We hung out side by side with our separate electronic devices or books.  When eventually my kid tired of spending all their time with Mom, and retired mostly to their room, I felt strangely bereft.  First of all, I discovered I was still capable of becoming just as obsessed with Magic as I was when I played with my foster son a dozen years ago.  Now kid didn't want to play anymore (and hasn't since)?  What a dork I am.  I am a 44-year-old mom.  WTF. 

Secondly, and more important: the awareness that there are only three more years before kid graduates from high school started hitting me hard.  I enjoy my kid's company so much.  I will miss them so, so much when they do not live with me anymore.  Yes, I know we will continue to have a close relationship, and matter to one another, and so on and so forth.  How often do I talk with my mother on the phone?-- somewhere between twice a week and once every three weeks, depending on circumstances.  How often do I see her?-- probably two or three times a year, on average.  There are little email exchanges, mostly prompted by her, to which I return replies remarkable mainly for their brevity.  Can I really expect much different from my kid?  That is not the same, at all, as living with someone and hanging out with them every day.  So shut up, you empty nesters who've already processed all this and say it will be fine.  It is not fine.  I have no idea who I will be when the day comes that I am no longer A.'s mom first and foremost.  That is painful and scary.

A beautiful post on the same topic from Jennifer Reese, who besides being the author of a frequently cited book, is also one of my favorite bloggers. 

The abovementioned emotions are likely why the ensuing two weeks also went all to hell, at least initially.  By April 6 or so, I was feeling pretty much completely recovered from my strep, but unable to shake the inertia and low energy state that had taken hold during a week of staying home and feeling sick and sad.  I did the things I absolutely had to do: went to work my two days/week, made box lunches and family dinner, washed the dishes, purchased food when necessary, drove my kid around to appointments and rehearsals.  My husband would probably point out that all this is not nothing.  I suppose it isn't.  But it felt like nothing.  For instance, on April 3, I cooked a real dinner for my family for the first time in over a week, and wrote the following in the diary (the only entry in those three weeks, presented in its entirety):

4/3
I'm finally back to doing my job.  But then I'm immediately struck with doubt.  Is it an important job?  Does anybody actually give a fuck?
​
In all the long, in-between stretches when I was doing none of these required things, I was holed up in my bed, playing Civilization on the computer or reading J.K. Rowling's (oops, I mean Robert Galbraith's) "new" Cormoran Strike detective series.  Well, they are new to me.  I love them.  Which should not be a surprise, since I love Rowling and I love mysteries, but it did come as a surprise.  What a treat to read that she plans to keep writing them "indefinitely!"

Oh, the other thing that I did was get my husband and I set up to start our Clean Gut diet.  We had to wait a week longer to get started than I had planned, because it seemed pointless to attempt gut biota repair while I was simultaneously taking antibiotics.  I finished the antibiotics on the morning of April 9 (my dad's birthday, which I didn't get around to acknowledging, because of the inertia.  If you knew my dad, and the fact that he almost always forgets my birthday, this would not seem as terrible as it sounds.  But I still felt guilty about it).  We started the intro diet on Sunday, April 10.  Basically, the Clean Gut diet allows most meats (not processed stuff); eggs; all vegetables except really starchy things like potatoes; berries; nuts; lentils and peas; and quinoa.  It does not allow: Sugar.  All grains except quinoa (not even rice, dammit).  All fruit except berries.  Dairy.  Soy and other beans.  Bacon.  :(  Potatoes.  Coffee.  It's extremely low-carb and not easy.

So, for three days we simply followed the dietary guidelines, in order to get used to the new way of eating.  It wasn't so bad.  On the fourth day, April 13, we began the cleanse protocol, which involves a morning shake, a regular lunch adhering to the diet, and a big dinner salad.  Also a bunch of supplements: B-complex vitamins, digestive enzymes, probiotics, antimicrobials (and, no, I don't really understand how those last two do not, to some extent, negate one another).  By that evening, I began to feel queasy and headachy and sick.  I did some research and decided we were taking too many of the B-vitamins, cut back.  The next afternoon and evening, the 14th, I felt the same, only worse.   Maybe even one B-vitamin was too much?  Maybe it was the probiotics?  I decided to cut out all the supplements (for myself; my husband was fine) and then reintroduce them one by one.  On the 15th, taking nothing, I mostly felt better, but still developed a bad headache late in the evening.  Made it through the 16th, despite a long day at work and grocery shopping in the early evening, without any particular suffering.  Time to try the B-vitamin again.  I took it on the 17th-- okay.  Again on the 18th-- okay.  On the 19th (yesterday, as of this writing), I added two doses of the mega-probiotic pill, my second suspected culprit for the nausea and headaches.  So far, so good.  We'll see what happens.

Clean Gut requires a fair amount of organization.  First, when you are on an extremely restricted diet where many things are off-limits, you have to shop often and shop carefully, in order to ensure that your limited variety of staple foods are well-stocked at home.  Then there is the prepping.  My first-thing-in-the-morning routine, always somewhat elaborate, has now ballooned to 45 minutes or longer.  1) feed cat.  2) take my one prescription med.  3) see if there are any boiled eggs left in the refrigerator and, if not, boil a few.  4) pour tall glasses of water for my husband and I, and squeeze half a lemon into each (another detail of the Clean Gut protocol).  5) make a big pot of green tea.  6) Make box lunches for my husband and kid.  Since they both have wildly different dietary requirements now (did I mention that kid has become a pescatarian?), this takes some concentration.  7) Make a double-batch of breakfast shake for my husband and I, generally consisting of some kind of liquid such as almond milk, a little bit of hemp protein powder, an added fat such as coconut, nut butter, or avocado, some berries, and a few handfuls of greens.  8) dispense supplements.

The dinner salad is labor-intensive too, given that one is not supposed to snack after dinner or overnight: the salad itself must be full of enough calories and protein to qualify as a hearty meal.  A base of mixed salad greens/herbs and various raw vegetables can be supplemented with meats, nuts or seeds, boiled egg, avocado, and-- my favorite add-on lately-- roasted vegetables, which bring out the sweetness we desperately crave.  So around 6:15 you can find me going into the kitchen and starting some broccoli or squash or brussels sprouts to roast in the oven, perhaps cooking some chicken or steak or (last night) lamb kofta, maybe boiling some frozen peas or artichoke hearts... and then assembling large salads out of this most-of-a-meal that I have already created.  They are really very satisfying. 

Oh, and my husband-- for whose sake I undertook this project in the first place-- is doing very well on the diet.  He has not felt sick at all and has had remarkable self-discipline.  On certain days he feels very hungry, and then I try to up the calories and protein that we're providing, and he'll go buy a little bag of nuts at the store.  He's a big man and he needs to eat more than I do.  But, overall, I am very pleased that this process seems to be working well for him.  He even loves the morning shakes, after looking askance at the first one.

So, reader, I am finally ready to return to you, with improved health, recovering spirit, and clean gut.  I hope that we can enjoy our time together and try new experiments.  Here are the few photos I managed to take during my hibernation (probably also on April 3; note the extensive documentation regarding finishing up our boiled Easter eggs):

Breakfast: walnuts, 1 boiled egg, half a glass of mango probiotic drink.

Lunch (after work 3 pm): 2 slices Rudi's toast, one with cheddar cheese and the other with queso fresco; papaya.  Endlessly harassed by cat while eating.  At one point she was actually gnawing the edge of the table, for reasons known only to her.  Later she kept biting my arm.

Shopping: (New Grand Mart) Tamari, "Tianjin preserved vegetable," bag of yellow onions, small tropical bananas, "regular" bananas, 1 green pepper, 1 red pepper, 1 lime, ginger root, bulb of garlic, 1 white onion, whole wheat tortillas, 1 shallot, $17.  (Whole Foods) 1/2 gallon of whole milk, 1/2 gallon of 2% Lactaid milk, quart of Greek Gods honey caramel yogurt, conditioner, red wine vinegar, Udi's vanilla granola, quart of half and half, lactose-free sour cream, cornstarch, big jar of salsa, little can of sliced jalapenos, smoked paprika, vanilla wafers, yogurt-covered goji berries, small bag of house-made tequila lime chips, can of black beans, heavy cream, chives, white mushrooms, french beans, cage-free brown eggs, unsalted butter, Irish back bacon, sliced Tuscan mushrooms from the deli, 7 Stonyfield Greek individual yogurts (assorted flavors), house-made guacamole, house-made mango-pineapple salsa, whole wheat pita breads, house-made shrimp dumplings, boneless skinless chicken thighs, 2 heads green leaf lettuce, 2 house-made foccaccias (one plain cheese, one roasted vegetable), green beans, dried figs, $161.

Dinner: The two foccaccias from Whole Foods, sliced; green salad of romaine, hard-boiled egg, and walnuts, with homemade honey mustard dressing; Tuscan mushrooms from the Whole Foods deli.  This time I asked the deli if I could taste the mushrooms before buying.  They were actually good, and the deli guy said he buys them regularly to dress up salads, chicken, etc., so I bought them.  The foccaccias were merely OK.  But it was a reasonably affordable and generally pleasant Whole Foods-based meal (counter to my usual experience; more on this later).

Dec. 14
Breakfast: Leftover eggplant with shallots and tomato, leftover lentils, leftover white rice.  One slice of salvaged buttery eggplant after baking and blotting and removing as much oil as possible.  It's now edible, but "buttery" is an understatement.  It is unctuous, and I don't mean that in a good way.

Lunch: Last of the homemade ginger ale.  Incidentally, my cat is so dedicated to drinking out of my glass that she tried some of this.  Crazy.  Cabot extra sharp cheddar cheese, half a grapefruit, and slice of 6-herb toast with butter.

Dinner: chicken thighs braised with butter, garlic, chicken broth, fresh thyme, rosemary, and parsley sprigs. Refrigerated pierogies with onions and pancetta sauteed in butter.  Cabbage salad with olive oil and cider vinegar.

Snacks: 4 cups coffee, 2 regular, 2 decaf, with half and half.  Cup of mulled cider while cooking dinner.  A couple of small chunks of bittersweet chocolate before bed.

I loved this history of "traditional" Jewish latkes.
 
Dec. 15
Breakfast: Leftover eggplant with shallot and tomato.  Slice of leftover buttery eggplant.  Leftover chicken thigh, leftover cabbage salad.  Cup of mulled cider.

Lunch: Slice of 6-herb toast piled with caramelized onion and pancetta, leftover from the pierogies.  Banana.  Grape tomatoes.

Dinner: We were supposed to go to my husband's firm's holiday Christmas party.  But my husband had a mishap that involved getting on the wrong bus, taking it to the next town, then bailing on the bus and walking a long way home.  He is not in great health, so this kicked his ass and he felt too ill to go to the party.  (Why didn't he just call me to come pick him up?  Mysteries.)  I made us scrambled eggs with asiago cheese, 6-herb toast, and clementine oranges instead.  I'd still rather eat this at home, then watch Masterchef Junior with my loved ones, than go to one of those fancy parties and have cocktails and filet mignon.

Snacks: At least 5 Dove Milk Chocolate Holiday Mint Cookie candies while driving from Target to the post office.  I bought a bag of these at Target on a whim.  Unknown number of additional Dove Milk Chocolate Holiday Mint Cookie candies.  Perhaps 12 overall? Maybe more.  4 cups of coffee, 2 regular, 2 decaf, with half and half.  Little glass of whiskey while we watched Masterchef Junior, because of missing out on the party cocktails.  My husband said, "Is it Scotch whiskey or bourbon whiskey?"  When I said bourbon, he made a face and said "ugh."

Breakfast: leftover sweet potato fries, sweet potato hash, and broccolini from the restaurant Saturday night.  Leftover pork chop with beet-and-carrot salad on top.

Lunch (mid-afternoon, after wait shift): Leftover lentils-and-rice with a bit of plain yogurt, slice of Pepperidge Farm 12-grain toast with butter and blackberry jam, handful of grape tomatoes.  Arguing with the cat the entire time, who is competing to drink from my glass of water.

Shopping (at Co-op): 3 rolls toilet paper, half and half, can of jellied cranberry sauce (my daughter's choice-- she ate 1/3 of it straight out of the can when we got home), lactose-free 1% milk, organic ground nutmeg ($55/lb???), raspberry yogurt pretzels, packaged Arrowhead Meals herb stuffing (also daughter's choice), Zeke's decaf coffee, KickingHorse regular coffee, dark chocolate-covered raisins, cage-free white eggs, one large garnet yam, 2 cans of cat food.  $71.

Dinner: Eggplants and Shiitake Mushrooms Cooked in a Japanese Sauce, from Madhur Jaffrey; plain white rice; tofu cooked in what is lately the usual way; a little bit of mixed salad greens with lemon, olive oil, and honey.  Also Jennifer Reese's lemonade, from Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.  This particular eggplant dish was delicious-- soft, sweet, and creamy.  The shiitake mushrooms were especially delectable.  Even my daughter, who dislikes eggplant, vocally appreciated the mushrooms.  Unfortunately, my husband has recently admitted he also dislikes eggplant.  So most of this dish is for my own personal consumption.  The lemonade was strong.  Reese suggested adding only half the sugar syrup to start with, then supplementing with more to taste, but I dumped it all in almost straightaway.  Still borderline too lemony.  My husband added extra water to his.  My daughter loves lemon and will eat lemons plain, so she thought it was just right.

Snacks: 4 cups of coffee with half and half, 2 regular, 2 decaf.  One raspberry-flavored yogurt pretzel, which tasted kind of gross and artificial, even though we bought them at a natural-foods store.  One small teacup of sake, not warmed up, which was mostly tasteless.  Maybe I don't understand the appeal.  Or maybe I should warm it up.  A couple of handfuls of dark chocolate-covered raisins as a bedtime snack.  I don't really have a good reason.  They were there.

Breakfast: My husband and I go out to a diner for breakfast.  Bacon, egg, and American cheese breakfast sandwich on an English muffin.  Home fries.  Decaf coffee.  This is one of the only contexts in which I will eat American cheese.

Lunch: My husband and I share the two snack bars pressed upon me by my mother a few days ago.  There is a mocha chip Kind bar that is pretty good.  There's also something unmarked that has unpleasantly blueberry-flavored blueberries in it, like eating Booberry cereal in granola bar form.  We break each of them in half so we get to taste both.  Also: coffee and John Oliver.

Dinner: Recipe catch-up time.  I make the Honey-Turmeric Pork with Beet and Carrot Salad from July's Bon Appetit.  (Phew!  Finally done with July.)  This involves pounding the pork thin and marinating it in a simple yogurt marinade, then cooking it in a frying pan.  That part was easy and also fairly tasty.  The beet and carrot salad part, served on top, was stranger.  I didn't have baby vegetables and perhaps they would have been better.  Instead I just sliced up regular raw carrots and beet, added scallions (the chives the recipe called for had rotted since I bought them), and dressed them with olive oil and lemon.  They were awfully crunchy and it was not clear to me why you would serve them on top of a pork chop.  Another head-scratcher recipe from Bon Appetit.