Breakfast: The rest of the tequila-lime corn chips. Thin slice of ciabatta toast with butter. Mixed dark chocolate-covered raisins and dark chocolate-covered almonds.
This was a day of, how shall I put it, "planned dissolution." I've been having a terrible time, since I cut down on my work hours, figuring out how to engage my natural sense of self-discipline for this new lifestyle. There are a lot of new habits to make, and old ones to renew, and it is both an exciting time and a struggle. There are also old habits, designed for "relaxing" after a tough work day (computer games, coffee breaks), that are no longer strictly necessary when the day is not so tough, and yet I find myself pining for them. The recent middle-of-the-day food binges-- which haven't been an issue for me in a while-- seem like they must be symptomatic of the discipline/freedom problems of this new regime. I decided to give myself a whole day today to do absolutely nothing, eat crap (all the jelly beans I want!), watch TV, play computer games, not cook dinner. Just nothing. Make myself completely ill with it, like my husband chain-smoking as many cigarettes as he could before swearing off them forever (which, incidentally, he did last March. So far, so good. I'm proud of you, honey). Not that I'm swearing off jellybeans or games forever, but I need to get them out of my system for the short term. Is that a rationalization? Yes.
This was a day of, how shall I put it, "planned dissolution." I've been having a terrible time, since I cut down on my work hours, figuring out how to engage my natural sense of self-discipline for this new lifestyle. There are a lot of new habits to make, and old ones to renew, and it is both an exciting time and a struggle. There are also old habits, designed for "relaxing" after a tough work day (computer games, coffee breaks), that are no longer strictly necessary when the day is not so tough, and yet I find myself pining for them. The recent middle-of-the-day food binges-- which haven't been an issue for me in a while-- seem like they must be symptomatic of the discipline/freedom problems of this new regime. I decided to give myself a whole day today to do absolutely nothing, eat crap (all the jelly beans I want!), watch TV, play computer games, not cook dinner. Just nothing. Make myself completely ill with it, like my husband chain-smoking as many cigarettes as he could before swearing off them forever (which, incidentally, he did last March. So far, so good. I'm proud of you, honey). Not that I'm swearing off jellybeans or games forever, but I need to get them out of my system for the short term. Is that a rationalization? Yes.
Lunch: A little bit earlier than I normally eat lunch, I drove to the CVS and bought two different bags of Jelly Bellies (1 regular, 1 sours), then drove on to the McDonald's and bought a bacon clubhouse burger and medium fries. (No soda; I don't even really like soda, so there's no point in including it in a binge.) It's not far from the McDonald's to my house, so the food had not been sitting around for a long time before I ate it, but it was still terrible: the fries, in particular, were stale and cold, even though it was lunchtime and the restaurant had been crowded. The burger was, I guess, okay, but I didn't really want all that bacon and weird sauce and such-- it was just the only burger they had with lettuce and tomato on it. ( I always choose the burger with the lettuce and tomato, a McDonald's item whose other features change continually over the years, because apparently an ordinary cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato on it is just not a product the American people want.)
Jellybeans: After lunch, I ate a lot of jellybeans, one at a time. After about 2 hours of eating jellybeans one at a time, I could not handle any more, so I stopped.
Jellybeans: After lunch, I ate a lot of jellybeans, one at a time. After about 2 hours of eating jellybeans one at a time, I could not handle any more, so I stopped.
Dinner: pizza from Domino's. For some reason, I was in a spinachy mood, and ordered one spinach-and-feta and one spinach-and-tomato pizza. We all watched TV together. It was okay. By that time of the day, I had killed any joy that might have remained in my heart. It will come back tomorrow.
Snacks: 4 cups of coffee, 2 regular, 2 decaf, with half & half. 1 glass of sherry (but I didn't finish it).
Snacks: 4 cups of coffee, 2 regular, 2 decaf, with half & half. 1 glass of sherry (but I didn't finish it).